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02
Jan
12

Inner City Goldie

By Obscure Music and Football Leave a Comment
Categories: Music
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Obscure Music & Football is normally a one-man blog, but here’s a cracking guest post by Football League and music connoisseur Rob Langham, aka Lanterne Rouge, co-proprietor of the excellent Two Unfortunates blog and contributor to sites like The Art of Noise. You can follow Rob on Twitter at @twounfortunates.

Today’s dance music occupies an altogether more homely place than it did in the 1990s. Back then, Sasha and Digweed were ‘havin’ it’ in Eye-biza, Leftfield were soundtracking a Guinness advert and Faithless provided the background music to Grandstand. By contrast, there’s an introspection to much of today’s offerings – a reticence no more apparent than in the UK context where the likes of Ghostpoet and Burial provide a dissonant, downbeat take on life in British cities – a depressing but beautiful soundscape that makes perfect sense in the light of last Summer’s troubled times.

This lack of exuberance has been accompanied by the rise of net music. Before, one was forced to listen to what Pete Tong or Dave Pearce forced you to listen to, be it on the radio or in a club. The theory of the long tail has allowed us to break free from these shackles so there’s little need to engage with the outside world at all – cooped up in your Fallowfield or Cowley digs, you can explore the deepest recesses of spacesynth or crunkcore.

One of the musicians to bemoan this loss of collaboration and togetherness is one Clifford Price – ‘Goldie’ to you and me. Now it may seem odd to you that my genial host Chris has allowed me to write a piece on this gentleman given this site’s billing as ‘obscure’. This is a man, you’ll remember, who has starred in Guy Ritchie’s Snatch and James Bond movie, The World is Not Enough, dated Björk and Naomi Campbell and chalked up appearances on Celebrity Big Brother, Come Dine With Me and Strictly Come Dancing. That he has made first round exits, his speciality does little to obstruct the Black Country boy’s fame.

Through all this brouhaha, not to mention his involvement in a more edifying and admirable activities like a three part series designed to scour the country for new musical talent, it’s easy to forget the real reason why Goldie rose to prominence – for this is no Kim Kardashian-style professional celebrity.

Drum and Bass – I can find no consensus to indicate whether it should be spelt thus, or as ‘Drum ‘n’ Bass’ – was a rare phenomenon – an example of a British musical genre that really lit the blue touch paper in its time. Growing out of Jungle, the at times unlistenable underground sub-discipline that emerged around the time of early Britpop, its smoother edge was lent individuality by the defining coda of the rapid breakbeat – that ubiquitous musical tic of the time and a style it’s hard to think of the nineties without evoking.

Goldie was the chief witchdoctor of Drum and Bass. Sure, the likes of Fabio and Grooverider may have predated him, but he did more than anyone to popularise it. Fundamental to this was the Metalheadz night – a weekly event at the Blue Note in Hoxton Square that was aimed squarely at proper music fans – a world away from the grandstanding show-offery of a Club UK, let alone the bloated nights that hastened the demise of dance – Gatecrasher in particular. Taking place on Sundays – so only for the committed, Metalheadz was eventually accompanied by a record label of the same name as well as an album of Goldie’s himself – the majestic Timeless. The vocals of Diane Charlemagne on pivotal track Inner City Life were to define that clubby decade.

Yet there was humanity behind the sometime glossiness of the music’s sheen. I once attended a Goldie gig at The Forum in Kentish Town and arrived unfashionably early. Minding my own business at the bar, I was struck by the friendliness of the early arrivers – not least a puffa jacketed individual who came up to me to shake my hand. A split second passed and a glint of gold and I realised that the man himself had approached me to thank me for coming.

Later and in the wake of his second album Saturnzreturn, a problematic artefact not least because of its inclusion of an hour long track on one of its two discs entitled Mother and the presence of David Bowie and Noel Gallagher as guest vocalists, Goldie again produced an accomplished summary of drum and bass’s range. No longer quite part of the zeitgeist, though, the album was panned in the style that is now familiar to any student of music journalism in the United Kingdom of the past fifty years. Taking it upon himself to pen a positive customer review online, a friend of a friend was astonished to receive an email from Mr. Price himself, thanking him for his kind words – the suspicion that Goldie was not only a musical innovator but something of a good egg was now confirmed.

In many ways, Goldie’s career since has become increasingly postmodern, with his involvement in all kinds of media an inevitable development – although few would have predicted his receipt of honorary degrees from Brunel and Wolverhampton Universities. His musical contribution remains indelible, though – and as acts like James Blake and Sepalcure take this generation’s most distinctive music, dubstep, into the mainstream – let’s raise a glass to a man who did the same a decade and a half ago now.

01
Dec
11

Random music reviews #23: ‘Dream Kitchen’ by Frazier Chorus (1989)

By Obscure Music and Football Leave a Comment
Categories: Music
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Celebrity siblings: it’s a funny world. More often than not, the more talented celebrity brother or sister is the more respected. Could you imagine Nadia Sawalha matching Julia’s performance as Lynda Day in Central Television’s ‘Press Gang’? And while Jeremy Vine is a household name, his Daily Mail-esque persona doesn’t come near to matching Tim’s comedic timing. But, unfortunately, this isn’t the case with the Freeman brothers. Don’t get me wrong, Martin is a perfectly competent actor but the late 1980s saw something better. Let me tell you about Tim’s band.

Tim was the lead singer for Frazier Chorus; they’re probably most famous for the tracks ‘Cloud 8’ and ‘Nothing’, taken from their 1991 Ian Broudie-produced album ‘Ray’. But it’s their earlier material that stands out; in particular, their second single, and their first for Virgin Records, ‘Dream Kitchen’. Unlike their later material – ‘Ray’, for instance, sounds a little bit too much like indie-dance merchants The Beloved for my liking – there’s something comforting about ‘Dream Kitchen’. There’s an authentic sound wrapped around with genuine craft and it also feels home-made without any signs of rawness. It’s slickly produced but there’s a real labour of love within the song: the quiet confidence of knowing that you’re producing your best material in your own preferred way, rather than being dictated by a big-name record label.

While Frazier Chorus’ lyrics about “cups of coffee and carpets” helps to aid its homely and warm sound, the real answer to how the song works lies in the band’s arrangement and production. Frazier Chorus – released during the period when the likes of Madchester where slowly emerging – were perhaps more unusual than other pop groups, which had indie undertones, in that most of their earlier material didn’t contain electric, acoustic or bass guitars. There was, instead, a heavy reliance on percussion, and woodwind instruments such as the clarinet and flute. To the credit of the group, it didn’t sound either pretentious or too twee. It may not have been particularly heavy on the ears but ‘Dream Kitchen’ is a solid pop record that is commercially sound; it’s certainly radio friendly.

Despite this friendly and easy-going sound, it failed to make a dent on the UK Singles Chart as it peaked at Number 57 in February 1989. It wasn’t ahead of its time – mainly because ‘Dream Kitchen’ isn’t particularly groundbreaking – its release was just poorly timed. After all, ‘Dream Kitchen’ was released in the middle of a recession, during Thatcher’s reign, and its aspiration tone and lyrics probably didn’t fit the mood of the country at that time.

Had it been released in the early-to-mid 1980s, it may have been picked up by the “yuppies” in the same way that Strawberry Switchblade or Altered Images were. They may even picked up the cult fan-base that Prefab Sprout had. If it was released in the mid-to-late 1990s, again it may have been commercials popular; their LPs ‘Sue’ and ‘Ray’ may have been picked up by mums in Asda who were also purchasing ‘Ocean Drive’ by the Lighthouse Family.

Loosely comparing Frazier Chorus to the Lighthouse Family isn’t a criticism, as ‘Dream Kitchen’ has the broad commercial appeal that ‘Ocean Drive’ had. It also has the musical depth and sophistication to appeal to listeners with more highbrow tastes. The track may not be particularly original, but there are enough quirks for it to stand out from the crowd and be a real grower. Seeing that it also fits nicely into the band’s “nice” image, it does what it says on the tin: it really does sound like a dream.

13
Nov
11

The legacy of Gazza’s music career

By Obscure Music and Football Leave a Comment
Categories: Football and Music
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People were mad about Paul Gascoigne in 1990; the phrase “Gazza-mania” sums it all up. After Italia ’90, the number of Gazza-related products was endless: the annuals, videos, countless biographies, MB board games and video game sequels. And this is without mentioning his appearances in television adverts for Brut and Woolworths, and launching BBC Radio Five with a guest slot on Garth Crooks’ ‘Sporting Albums’ programme. He even won the Best Dressed Man and BBC Sports Personality of the Year awards in late 1990.

But, during the height of “Gazza-mania”, Gazza ventured into the music industry by releasing three records: something that would not just change the way footballers make music, but would also help to influence the rest of his career.

Chart stats

In order to explain this, some historical context is needed. In November 1990, Gazza teamed up with Lindisfarne to release a revised version of their most famous hit; this time, it was called ‘Fog on the Tyne (Revisited)’. There was the inevitable wave of press hype, and it was expected to be a breakout hit and immediately reach Number 1 in the UK Singles Chart. Despite being released over a month before Christmas – and having another single, ‘Geordie Boys (Gazza Rap)’, released by then – ‘Fog on the Tyne (Revisited’) was installed as the third favourite for the Christmas Number 1 spot, behind Cliff Richards’s ‘Saviour’s Day’ and Partners in Kryme’s ‘Undercover’. Smash Hits’ Ryan Lowe, for instance, wrote:

“So [Lindisfarne] rewrite the words to suit Gazza, stick a big booming house beat behind it and bob’s your uncle, it’ll be No.1 for about six million years. Well, for a bit anyway.”

Bearing in mind these high expectations, it’s fair to say that ‘Fog on the Tyne (Revisited)’ under-performed in the charts. It was the highest new entry in the UK Singles Chart at Number 11 and the next week it climbed up to Number 2 – as it was kept off the Number 1 spot by the UK’s biggest selling single of 1990, The Righteous Brothers’ re-release of ‘Unchained Melody’. Despite this, sales quickly dropped as it only spent two weeks in the Top 10 and nine weeks in the Top 75; by Christmas, it had slipped to Number 48.

It did not get any better when ‘Geordie Boys (Gazza Rap)’ was released, just seven weeks later, in a rushed attempt to get it out for the Christmas market. Being released so soon after Gazza’s début single meant that most of press promotion was about Gazza’s music career, rather than one particular single. Despite airings of the video on ‘Top of the Pops’ and ITV’s Saturday morning children’s programme ‘Motormouth’, the follow-up single performed poorly in the charts: entering at Number 43 in the 1990 Christmas charts. It eventually peaked at Number 31, but the damage was done and his LP, under the moniker of Gazza and Friends, also flopped.

The negative press reception towards ‘Fog on the Tyne (Revisited)’ did not help ahead of the release of ‘Geordie Boys (Gazza Rap)’ and neither did the sheer amount of hype attached to the début single. This led to Mark Moore from S’Express claiming – during an interview for Select Magazine in January 1991 – the hero and hype of 1990 was Gazza because of Italia ’90 and “the dance music overkill bandwagon”.

The fact that the release of ‘Geordie Boys (Gazza Rap)’ was pencilled in for the music industry’s busiest week was an indicator of its troubled genesis; it may have fared better in the charts if it was released during the quiet New Year period, alongside another press campaign. Iron Maiden, Wet Wet Wet and D:Ream all reached Number 1 in the UK Singles Chart, during the early-to-mid 1990s, by taking advantage of the fact that few records are released at the start of the year, and doing the same may have saved Gazza’s music career. Not only was it killed off within seven weeks, but it could also be classed as the first major backlash that the footballer had faced.

The marketing machine

But, despite the criticism from music critics, Gazza took his musical recordings seriously. This was to the extent that he told Lowe he wouldn’t spoof his famous tears in the ‘Fog on the Tyne (Revisited)’ promotional video. He said:

“That would be taking the piss out of something I’d done very seriously. What happened at that moment was something I was really upset about – England got beaten in the World Cup. A lot of other people were upset too and it would be taking the piss out of them if I made a joke of it now.”

In addition, during the interview with Smash Hits, he added that he was taking his music career seriously:

“I’m taking it seriously. I want it to do well. I don’t want to put no crap in the charts and I want it to do well because of the song, because it’s a good song, not because it’s a Paul Gascoigne song.”

Also, unlike ad-hoc recordings like Kevin Keegan’s ‘Head Over Heels In Love’, there seemed to be an actual strategy in place for a footballer-cum-musician for the first time. Details of Gazza’s LP and his follow-up single ‘Geordie Boys (Gazza Rap)’, for instance, were announced during promotion for ‘Fog on the Tyne (Revisted)’, which suggests that there were plans to turn the player into a fully-fledged pop star.

Although it is unknown whether this was a short-term plan – in order to milk Gazza’s boom in popularity, during the winter period of 1990 – there was an attempt to tailor the music towards Gazza’s personality and brand. Instead of making money out of one single, BMG Records, who used the subsidiary label Best for Gazza’s records, tried to make as much money as possible by releasing a series of records within a space of a few months; thus, further developing the concept of musicians releasing music.

This is in stark contrast to the approach taken when Glenn Hoddle and Chris Waddle’s ‘Diamonds Lights’ was released in 1987. The idea to release a single started off as a bit of fun at an budget car rental awards party and, while ‘Diamond Lights’ was eventually picked up by minor label Record Shack, it was never taken too seriously by either footballer and no long-term plan was apparent. In fact, considering that the release of ‘Diamond Lights’ coincided with the 1987 FA Cup final, it could be cynically suggested that the single was marketing ploy for Tottenham Hotspur’s appearance in the aforementioned final. A follow-up, ‘It’s Goodbye’, was released but failed to reached the UK Top 100 Singles Chart, partly due to Hoddle’s move to Monaco and his inability to promote the record.

While Gazza’s music career was equally short-lived, his earnest approach has similarities with other footballers-cum-musicians. Perhaps the one of the most notable is Neil Danns, who released his debut single, ‘Survive’, in March 2010. Although he has decided to concentrate on his career as a footballer, the fact that he has uploaded several tracks on his website, and completed a course in video editing and production at the London Academy, suggests that Danns could have plans of becoming a professional musician upon retirement.

Footballers seeing music as a long-term career goal, however, is becoming more prominent and is a natural development in how musicians make music. The most successful of these plans is Dion Dublin’s musical instrument, The Dube, which was commercially released in October 2010. Dublin first credited June 1975 as the first date in the history of his invention, which is a percussion instrument in the shape of a cube, and veteran musicians – such as Courtney Pine and Carl McGregor – are now using it.

The creative changes

But it is just not the business side of footballers making music that Gazza changed: its creative side also changed. Keegan’s ‘Head Over Heels In Love’ would not have sounded out-of-place on a David Cassidy or David Essex LP and, while Hoddle and Waddle’s had recorded their début single prior to it being snapped up by Record Shack, ‘Diamond Lights’ was undoubtedly influenced by the new romantic genre. Prior to Gazza’s recording career, not only were these records largely ad-hoc but there were also jumping on any old bandwagon to give it maximum exposure.

And, judging from ‘Fog on the Tyne (Revisted)’ and ‘Geordie Boys (Gazza Rap)’, this wasn’t going to change. This was mainly because it combined the emerging rap genre with the novelty genre that had been re-popularised by several artists; most notably, Timmy Mallet’s collaboration with Bombalurina – whose cover of ‘Itsy Bitsy Teenie Weenie Yellow Polka Dot Bikini’ reached the Number 1 spot in August 1990.

However, it was Gazza’s LP, ‘Let’s Have a Party’, that really changed how footballers recorded music. Although it contained both of his singles, the album also had four medleys – based on Elvis Presley, Mowtown, 1970s disco and Gilbert O’Sullivan – and a cover of The Beatles’ ‘All You Need is Love’ that featured Gazza’s sister, Kenny Lynch and Danny Baker. Essentially, on paper, it was Black Lace meets Jive Bunny & the Mastermixers. Again, the LP was based on Gazza’s persona and it appeared in interviews that he also had a large input in making of the album.

Although Q Magazine’s Tom Hibbert needed to explain the concept of ‘Desert Isand Discs’ to Gazza, the midfielder eventually said: “If you want me on your Desert Island Discs, it’s got to be lot of tracks off Elvis.” In addition, he told Lowe:

“I used to dance like [Elvis], well, try to anyway. When I was a young kid I used to dance and bop and all that. I used to really like it. That’s why I’ve got the Elvis medley on the LP. It’s going to be very good – it’s a 17 minute mix of Elvis songs, there’s never been one of them before.”

‘Let’s Have a Party’, unsurprisingly, failed to reach the UK Top 100 Album Charts and was largely mocked by critics, but it was perhaps the first record that allowed a footballer to experiment with their own musical tastes and indulgences. A current example is Danns’ brand of, what he calls, acoustic indie-urban music, and he has also written and produced several tracks. There has, subsequently, been a recent wave of footballers that have recently records, which could be classed as self-indulgent.

This, however, creates a dilemma: while it boosts their own ego and allows them creative freedom, it has the risk of alienating potential listeners and not being commercially viable. Ryan Babel and Clint Dempsey’s rap recordings, for instance, have either been ignored or ridiculed, while others have explored their own influences to release something that’s more meaningful.

Former Nigeria Under-23 international Emmanuel Babayaro is one such example. Although his first singles, ‘Nijar Area’ and ‘My Party’, displayed his narcissism to significant levels, his 2010 album ‘Best of Both Worlds’ was a fusion of jazz and hip-hop. It was also well-received in Nigeria, as the album had three official press launches that has attended by several Nigerian celebrities including Chief Rochas Okorocha and Daniel Amokachi.

Gazza’s music critics

Perhaps the most lasting and defining legacy of Gazza’s music career was the possible influence that its press coverage had Gazza himself. You could say that, during the period between Italia ’90 and the release of ‘Fog on the Tyne (Revisited)’ Gazza was a hero: the everyday man of working class Northern England.

And Gazza was generally well liked before Italia ’90 as Steve Sutherland, during an interview with Gazza in Melody Maker, wrote:

“Paul Gascoigne hasn’t had that much “bad stuff” to content with yet – not really that bad, crawl away in a dark hole and die stuff like Boy George had. The best bad stuff the press have come up with so far was some half-cocked story about witnessing the death of a childhood friend which, according to some hack, accounted for Gascoigne’s apparently weird psychological make-up. No one’s yet accused him of silencing his Rottweilers by cutting their vocal chords or saving up for a sex change.”

A backlash, inevitably, had to come from somewhere: the music press. Kylie Minogue was also suffering from a backlash at the same time, from magazines like Smash Hits, as readers and journalists criticised her sexualised image during the release of ‘Step Back in Time’. She won several “worst” awards in the 1990 and 1991 Smash Hits Poll Winners Party and her ‘Rhythm of Love’ LP just scraped into the UK Top 10 Album Charts. But, with Gazza, it was different: the coverage of ‘Fog on the Tyne’ from the music press could be considered as more vicious and, to a certain extent, cruel.

The scale of the coverage that ‘Fog on the Tyne’ got from various music magazines was probably the root of the problem. Both Smash Hits and Melody Maker featured Gazza on the front page of their editions in late October 1990. Even considering the extent of “Gazza-mania”, this could be considering as a surprise; Gazza was featured ahead of Pet Shop Boys, Northside and Ride on the Melody Maker’s front cover, and he was chosen ahead of features about Madonna and Jimmy Somerville’s greatest hits LPs on Smash Hits’ cover.

Having Gazza on the front covers would have undoubtedly sold many copies, but there was probably also pressure from BMG Records to include the footballer on these covers. Therefore, the standards of these magazines had to be compromised: they loathed ‘Fog on the Tyne (Revisited)’ but, at the same time, they needed to sell copies. To the Melody Maker’s credit, they conducted an intelligent interview with Gazza, mostly about his media image and struggle to settle in London, but Smash Hits and Q Magazine did not spare any punches.

A troubling indicator of Smash Hits’ interview with Gazza was on the front page, which had the caption: “Gazza! The Man! The Myth! The ‘Music’!!” And things didn’t get better during Lowe’s feature, as the most scathing remarking was “honestly, it’s the most tragic LP ever made”. Lowe and Hibbert also seemed intent on showing Gazza up, by making him look as stupid as possible, normally by accenting his quotes. Describing Gazza’s primary musical influences, for instance, Hibbert wrote:

“Yur. Gazza,” [Gazza] goes. “Hurr…” And [Gazza] starts to sing. “I’ve got a brand new combine harvester and I’ll give you the key… Dee deedle dee deedle dee. D’you remember it? It was really good. It was by the Wurzels, weren’t it? That’s right. And I love Elvis. I like Elvis. Jailhouse Rock. But I’ve just really got into GI Blues. He’s got you, you know, with GI Blues, like, he’s got…” And [Gazza] starts to sing again. “You ever you ever get you ever get one you ever get one of them days you ever get one of those days boys… I can’t remember the words. Dum-di-dum-di-dum. Two two. Er…”

Before these interviews, Gazza was reluctant to participate. According to Lowe, he was treated badly by a few newspapers and had also been wary of reports because “[Gazza] thinks they’re all out to finding something bad about him.” He added:

“And it’s a very different Gazza who warily sits down to answer a few questions from Smash Hits. Gone is the confident, life and soul of the party bravado, gone is the big “isn’t it all a laugh” grin. He sits and fidgets with the zipper of his tracksuit. He won’t look you in the eye. He flicks through a paper while he’s talking. He’s nervous and uncomfortable, but he answers the questions politely enough in his quickfire two-thousand-words-a-second Geordie babble.”

For someone who was showing signs of emotional frailness and wishing he had “got the police onto it”, regarding an author who, according to Gazza, “went round telling loads of lies and he’s writing a book about Paul Gascoigne”, Lowe and Hibbert’s interviews could be classed as tactless. ‘Fog on the Tyne (Revisited)’ may have been musically questionable but being mocked for not knowing what ‘Desert Island Discs’ was may have worsened his psychological state.

Tony Dorigo, for instance, told ghost-writer Robin McGibbon in his 1990 book ‘Gazza! A Biography’ of Gazza’s state of mind during the Italia ’90 semi-final. He added:

“Dave Beasant was the first to spot Gazza crying and told us to keep our eyes on him. Sure enough, his face was all serous, as he fought to get the ball, but then he would suddenly stop and start crying again. It was like an on and off switch. He was running around, trying to tackle and close players down. Once, he sprinted at Matthäus and we thought has was going to tackle him, but Matthäus dropped his shoulder and passed him. Gazza stood there, his face scrunched up, and he started crying again. At that point, all the boys were looking at each other laughing. Gazza would compose himself and try another tackle and when he missed that he would cry again. And we would laugh.”

Also, after Italia ’90, the strains of “Gazza-mania” were starting to show. During Tottenham Hotspur’s pre-season tour of Norway, the midfielder got booked and substituted within 30 minutes of the first match and, in a friendly against Hearts, he was booked within the first 12 minutes. On Monday 3 September 1990, Gazza’s business advisers, on the advice of Terry Venables, had cancelled six personal appearances and announced that they would not book any more appearances.

The former Italian football correspondent for Shoot and World Soccer, Jane Nottage, provided further light on the impact of Gazza’s records in her 1993 biography, ‘Paul Gascoigne: The Inside Story’. She wrote:

“One of the more controversial stunts was the recording of the Gazza LP, with hits ‘Fog on the Tyne’, an old Lindisfarne record that went to number [two] in the charts, and ‘Geordie Boys’, written by Mel Stein. Gazza suffered hell in the dressing room, and although used to give as good as he got, it was yet more pressure and it was all getting rather wearing for him.”

Less than a year later, he ruptured a crucial ligament when he recklessly fouled Gary Charles in the 1991 FA Cup final. And, during his time at Lazio and Glasgow Rangers in the early-to-late 1990s, he was involved in numerous controversies including telling Norway to “fuck off” prior to an England international match; his infamous flute incident towards Glasgow Celtic; and his escalating problems with mental health, alcohol addiction and weight-related issues.

The interviews with Lowe and Hibbert were not the cause of these problems but they did not help and may have escalated them even further; it’s no coincidence because they were exploiting a vulnerable man for a few laughs and cheap digs. His charity work for the Make-a-Wish Foundation, for instance, was largely ignored, while newspaper columns about his groin injuries and transfer links would’ve unsettled Gazza even more.

There may have been worse things written about Gascoigne since 1990 but – at the very best – the music press’ response to Gazza’s music career escalated a slowly emerging trend of bringing Gazza down at his career peak. It’s certainly a depressing legacy, beneath the surface, that’s for sure.

25
Oct
11

#keepingitpeel: The greatest YouTube channel in the world

By Obscure Music and Football 1 Comment
Categories: Music
Tags: , , , , , , ,

While conducting countless hours of research for this blog (and other pieces of writing for other sites), during the past two or so years, I’ve come across some surprise discoveries. Some of them have been good and others have been bad, but this one is the very best one. I found the TheCarsThatAteParis YouTube channel, while researching last year’s #keepingitpeel piece, and it contains over 100-ish John Peel sessions (with, fittingly, just a tape deck in the background) from the late 1990s (as well as several Andy Kershaw sessions and other bits ‘n’ bobs).

Regarding this year’s #keepingitpeel, which marks the seventh anniversary of Peel’s death, it felt fitting to rummage through the contents of this channel to find some of the best and most under-appreciated sessions from the aforementioned period. I can assume that most who are reading this are aware of Half Man Half Biscuit, Super Furry Animals, Finitribe, Gorky’s Zygotic Mynci and Mogwai but you may or may not have heard of the artists mentioned below. But, whatever you do, make sure that you discover at least one piece of music today that you haven’t heard of before – whether it’s on iTunes, Spotify, YouTube or elsewhere.

‘Yes Sir, I Can Boogie’ by Velodrome 2000 (15 April 1998)

When you combine kitsch karaoke with post-rock, you get Velodrome 2000. The closest comparison to this little gem is Tim Ten Yen meets Sultans of Ping FC, and it all sounds effortlessly improvised. Heck, they even come away with some credit after covering ‘Back for Good’ on ‘Sindy Sex Aid’. Clichéd phrases like “inspired”, “genius” and “ahead of their time” are all applicable, here. And, if that’s up your street, also check out ‘Happy Together’ by Magoo and ‘Big Pussy Sound’ by Bette Davis and the Balconettes, aka Bis meets Huggy Bear.

‘Futura Trance No II’ by White Hassle (3 November 1998)

Go on, admit it: you’d laugh at a dinner-party version of Fatboy Slim’s ‘Gangster Tripping’. But don’t, as this is unexpectedly brilliant and irritatingly catchy. It has the right swagger and ambient feel, without feeling overwhelming or pretentious. It’s a genuine delight.

‘Things That Make You Spin’ by Done Lying Down (10 September 1997)

While ‘Things That Make You Spin’ may sound eerie and inexpensive, there’s an undoubted charm that overrides any flaws. The catchy hooks also ensure that it’s a grower and there are also some inventive touches that work well. All in all, it’s a solid piece of low-fi that perhaps merited more attention. Other excellent companions to this fine track include ‘Sanchez’ by Calexico, ‘Sinatra Cars’ by Scarfo, ‘Daddy’ by Clinic and ‘Situation Desperate’ by Dream City Film Club.

‘First Kiss Feelings vs Everyday Sensations’ by Girlfrendo (9 October 1997)

How on earth did Girlfrendo manage to go under the radar during the late 1990s? Don’t bother applying the indie-pop tag on this short-lived combo, this is pure bubblegum pop at its best. Some may think that it sounds a bit too ironic for its own good, but this is just a minor flaw; it’s still a “singing to the bathroom mirror on a Friday night” track. Overall, it’s marvellous fun.

‘Rock Freak’ by Black Star Liner (7 October 1997)

This is a frantic out-of-control slice of big beat and dub that never loses speed from the word go; it’s full of samples and has a strong edge to it. It offers something different to the dance genre and also manages to be instantly accessible to the listener. Black Star Liner were under-appreciated back in the day and this hasn’t dated one bit, that’s for sure. If you like the sound of this, you would do a lot worse than checking out ‘Mama Awaker’ by Pop Off Tuesday and ‘Plock’ by Plone.

‘Rhine & Courtesan’ by Rachel’s (22 October 1997)

This track got a brief mention in the last #keepingitpeel blog and it deserves a more thorough this time. ‘Rhine & Courtesan’ really can’t be praised enough: not only is it expertly performed, its understated tone is spot on and achingly beautiful. It may be simple and modest, but it’s perfect the way it is; adding any vocals or effects would’ve spoilt it. If you liked this, please do check out ‘Well of Comfort’ by Broken Dog and ‘I Set My Face to the Hillside’ by Tortoise; all three of them are worthy of a listen. And, while you’re at it, also check out ‘Ya Weledi’ by Natacha Atlas on ‘The Andy Kershaw Show’, given Kershaw’s connections to Peel.

12
Sep
11

Welcome home, Ormondroyd’s Virtual Match Reports

By Obscure Music and Football Leave a Comment
Categories: Football
Tags: ,

Remember that Walkers advert with Gary Lineker from the 1990s? Hang on, let me be a bit more specific. Remember that Walkers advert with Gary Lineker from the 1990s, which had Lineker walking through the streets of Leicester with ‘Welcome Home’ by Peters & Lee in the background? Yep, that one. For me – as someone who grew up with the likes of Jon Newsome, Bernard Lambourde, Pegguy Arphexad and Carl Leaburn – the return of Ormondroyd’s Virtual Match Reports represents Gary Lineker walking around Leicester for a crisp advert.

For those who haven’t heard of Ormondroyd’s Virtual Match Reports: every week, in the late 1990s and early 2000s, The Guardian’s website posted a satirical round-up of the weekend’s football via stick drawings and diagrams. It sounds simple, and it was simple, but that’s why it worked so well. The humour was dry and straight to the point and, even if its analysis was never in-depth, it painted a picture of the game, during that particular era.

Take the Ormondroyd’s Virtual Match Report of Sheffield Wednesday’s 1-0 victory over Chelsea in April 2000, for instance, where it said: “Chelsea press forward and come desperately close on several occasions. George Weah has a great chance after Kevin Pressman goes walkabout, but only manages to find the crossbar.” Fair enough you’d say, but the accompanying picture showed Pressman going to a pie shop on the touch-line proclaiming “all of them, please” – while Weah hits the bar, despite an open goal. Not only did it sum up Pressman’s weight problem in one picture, but it also summed up Weah’s loan spell at Chelsea as a great disappointment.

It didn’t go for the obvious stories or matches either; Steve Claridge’s gambling problem was mocked – as was Neville Southall’s brief spell at Bradford City and Barry Horne’s arrival at Sheffield Wednesday during Peter Shreeves’ tenure as caretaker manager. It shouldn’t be seen as a chirpy supplement to the likes of The Times and World Soccer, though; it can be classed as journalism in itself. It had the delayed-drop introductions (as seen in the ‘Farewell Steve Ogrizovic, Hello John Hartson’ report, with its first line “Chesterfield. 43,000 BC”), snappy endings, and basic facts and figures. It was, perhaps, unorthodox, but Ormondroyd’s Virtual Match Reports was, in essence, similar to a match report by Phil McNulty; it was just reported in a different way.

And that’s why it’s great to see it back. The Loaded-esque 90 Minutes has long since gone and been replicated in a mediocre and watered-down fashion via the likes of TalkSport Magazine and the Soccer AM television programme. With the exception of When Saturday Comes, good humour has become a rarity in sports journalism and the first Ormondroyd’s Virtual Match Report since 2003 still retains its bite and honesty. It is relatively unchanged, apart from its format where, instead of looking at football matches, it looks at recent events such as Joey Barton’s use of Twitter.

Whether this is a permanent fixture or not, it’s a positive change and will ensure that the series will remain fresh. But even if the game has changed since 2003, the format should not necessary reflect that. Stick images of a goal scored by Cédric Roussel or Robbie Blake and Stefan Schnoor missing a penalty for Derby County worked brilliantly in 2000, and the question should be whether it will work in 2011.

I suspect that – even if it wouldn’t quite be the same with Kevin Doyle and Clint Dempsey, due to the nostalgia factor – it would work just as well, if the wit remained intact. And, so far, it has and everything is looking rosy. But, whatever happens with the comeback, it’s better to have Ormondroyd’s Virtual Match Reports back, than to have none at all.

The first Ormondroyd’s Virtual Match Report since 2003 has been published on its Facebook page. The original series of Ormondroyd’s Virtual Match Reports is on The Guardian’s website.

01
Aug
11

Random music reviews #22: ‘Elephantine’ by Kitchens of Distinction (1989)

By Obscure Music and Football 2 Comments
Categories: Music
Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

The value of the stand-alone single could be something that has been repeatedly undermined in the music industry. Although these type of records are usually released during a long break in recording, to keep eager fans happy, it allow flexibility to experiment and try new musical styles. Sometimes the end result can be a self-indulgent mess but, mostly, it can help to refine a promising sound that hasn’t quite hit its stride. ‘Elephantine’ by Kitchens of Distinction definitely sits in the latter category.

There’s no denying that tracks like ‘Shiver’ from their debut album ‘Love is Hell’ were intelligent and passionate pieces of dream-pop, with dark post-punk undertones, but there was something missing. Their sound was finely crafted but was, perhaps, a little two-dimensional and didn’t mirror the complexity of Patrick Fitzgerald’s lyrics. The positives outweighed the negatives, though, and the group had a strong template – their musical style just needed to be more relaxed.

‘Elephantine’, released in October 1989 between their LP’s ‘Love is Hell’ and follow-up ‘Strange Free World’, did a lot to eradicate those minor flaws and create a more coherent style. It was not an extreme change, though, as the track was just part of the group’s natural development. Guitarist Julian Swales’s jangly riffs were still part of the furniture, but were now seamlessly overlapping with ambient and swirling effects to create a more multifaceted sound. It ending up feeling more complex and dimensional than previous efforts, which was far more in line with the band’s most controversial element: its lyrics.

Fans of the band have felt that the group’s lyrical content was the reason why they never a commercial impact, despite all of the critical praise. ‘Margaret’s Injection’, one of the tracks on the ‘Elephantine’ EP, fantasised about killing Margaret Thatcher, whilst Fitzgerald’s homosexuality was the main focus point (although it was an area that was openly expressed less frequently than some claim) in songs like ‘Hammer‘ and ‘Breathing Fear’ – which was unfairly seen as controversial at the time, mainly because an openly gay front-man in a independent band used to be more of a rarity. And ‘Elephantine’ was, again, thought-provoking – with its lyrics cleverly painting a subtle picture of poverty. The lyrical standard remained as high as ever but, even when put together with a more refined and evocative sound, the end product is challenging and rewarding that cannot be lumped into one particular scene.

If ‘Elephantine’ doesn’t sound particularly original in 2011, it’s perhaps due to the fact that other groups have used their sound as a template and furthered it – despite them being criminally undervalued in the music industry. Radiohead’s Jonny Greenwood, for example, has proclaimed Swalies as an influence numerous times – with ‘There, There’ particularly resembling Kitchen of Distinction’s sound. Bloc Party, meanwhile, had similar lyrical conceptualisation to Fitzgerald’s musings, despite Kele Okereke displaying greater political and sexual ambiguity. Also, the press coverage of Okereke’s sexuality is a stark reminder that Fitzgerald was a braver and more ground-breaking lyricist than he has been given credit for.

Although the group’s lack of commercial success signalled the sociological and political state of Britain in the late 1980s, they were not a band of their time. ‘Elephantine’ is just as intelligently written and produced in 2011, as it was in 1989, and the group should be regarded as an important band in helping to further develop the political outlook of the British music scene. And this makes it even harder to comprehend how their legacy is relatively non-existent. It just goes to show that the more significant can sometimes be under-appreciated.

02
Jul
11

Random music reviews #21: ‘Kinky Love’ by Pale Saints (1991)

By Obscure Music and Football 2 Comments
Categories: Music
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

There are some things that some musicians should not try and attempting to cover a good summer song is one of them. Aaron Carter’s ‘Surfin USA’, ‘Cruel Summer’ by Ace of Base and Bombalurina’s ‘Itsy Bitsy Teenie Weenie Yellow Polka Dot Bikini’ are just some of the monstrosities that have been released, just because some artists have broken this rule. But there has been the occasional exception. One of them is Pale Saints’ version of Nancy Sinatra’s ‘Kinky Love’, which appeared on their ‘Flesh Balloon EP’.

‘Kinky Love’, on paper, could have suffered the same fate as other covers, by not giving the original version enough justice. Not because Pale Saints were a poor band – far from it, as tracks like ‘Half-Life Remembered’ and ‘Sight of You’ showed the group’s fetish for unobtrusive experimentation, but because they were completely different to Sinatra. Whilst her sound was seductive and classy, Pale Saints’ tone was more distant – despite both acts having dream-pop undertones. The band was also predominately male, including their lead vocalist: Ian Mathers.

This gave the group two options: to record an intriguing cover that stayed true to the shoegazing genre, even if it did not quite work out, or to produce a version that departed from their original roots and modernised Sinatra’s classic. They, unsurprisingly, went for the latter option and produced what was, almost, an exact replica of the original version. But, in doing so, it retained the original version’s charm. If the group had overused an effects pedal, it would have rendered the song’s sexiness redundant. By staying true to the original, they ensured that the teasing lyrics perfectly complemented the song’s sedated and relaxed feel.

And, because of that, it becomes an alternative summer song; as it does not become a stereotypically bouncy summer track, none of the subtleties associated with the track are lost. From the wobbling effects and break to the unfairly derided Meriel Barham’s soothing and harmonious lead vocals, ‘Kinky Love’ perfectly encapsulates the feel of a lazy summer’s day. It is the antithesis to the summer song, in essence; it does not need to be endlessly enthusiastic like The Beach Boys’ undisputed classic ‘I Get Around’, as this version is happily content with sunbathing in the park whilst eating strawberries.

You can see why the band went down this route. ‘Kinky Love’ had the jangly riffs and trippy production to keep the indie kids happy, whilst the sophistication associated with the original remained intact. Pale Saints’ record label 4AD were also likely to have influenced the decision to produce a radio-friendly record, considering that they probably invested a fair bit of money in trying to ensure Pale Saints became regulars in the UK Singles Chart (and this was generally common practice at the time – with the exception of those who were under-promoted by Creation etc – of course). But this never happened, as the ‘Flesh Balloon EP’ stalled at number 72 in July 1991.

It still remains one of the best alternative summer songs to have been released in the past 20 years, though, as well as being Pale Saints’ most mainstream and thoughtful track. A band’s finest moment can, sometimes, come from the unlikeliest of sources. And there is no denying that ‘Kinky Love’ does exactly that.

05
Jun
11

The best quotes from ‘Lovejoy on Football’

By Obscure Music and Football 15 Comments
Categories: Books, Football and Satire
Tags: , ,

Tim Lovejoy, personally, represents everything that is wrong with football. You know: the glory hunting, the Diadora trainers, shouting ‘Taxi’ when anyone misses a sitter and wearing a Ramones T-shirt despite never owning an album by the aforementioned band. The last point may have less to do with football than the others, but it showed Lovejoy for what he is: a smug imbecile who will jump on any bandwagon and laugh in your face if you were Ray Parlour or wearing a Cheltenham Town shirt.

And his book, ‘Lovejoy on Football’ (2007; Arrow Books), displays that attitude perfectly. From his rants about how football should be taken away from the ‘fanatics’ and given back to the public to dedicating an entire chapter on his sexist views, nothing else has shown Lovejoy’s character better. In essence, he simultaneously has the character traits of two certain ‘Top Gear’ presenters: by expressing “outrageously politically incorrect opinions” and being a “horrible weasel kid at school hanging around with the bullies, laughing at their jokes, in the hope they won’t pick on him”.

To celebrate this monstrosity of an ego, here’s 30 of the most insane quotes from his book – whittled down from around ten dozen. If it provides a decent chuckle, the book may have some slight justification. And, if it doesn’t, at least his grammar is pretty decent.

30.

“I have since decided that Jamie Theakston is, in all probability, the greatest goalkeeper in the history of the game” (p.172).

It’s nice to see that celebrity football tournaments are eligible in these sort of lists.

29.

“The crowd must abuse anyone who walks on the pitch who isn’t a player, unless they are a former player/legend in which case they must be absolutely applauded” (p.140).

This is one of Lovejoy’s many uses the word ‘absolutely’ in the book.

28.

“If Topman can bring out as many t-shirts as they want, then why can’t football teams? If they don’t sell them, that’s their problem isn’t it?” (p.256).

Lovejoy offers his thoughts on economics and football shirts.

27.

“Let me start with a confession. I have always thought that women and football was, inherently, a bad combination” (p.110).

Richard Keys and Andy Gray would be proud of Lovejoy’s unsubtle sexism.

26.

“Serge has definitely got something and I have nothing but respect for the bloke, even if Noel Gallagher reckons that he is now more famous for that moment than he is for his music. This is probably true. Again, the power of telly” (p.123).

Lovejoy on what he thinks Sergio Kasabian’s Pizzorno is famous for: kicking a football in a carpark on ‘Soccer AM’.

25.

“The lower down the league structure you go, the longer the throw-ins must be. In the Premiership, for instance, throw-ins never tend to be any longer than two yards, three at most, and usually consist of one player throwing the ball to a team-mate who then cushions a volley back to the thrower. They start getting longer in the Championship, and by the time you reach League Two the throw-ins are just missiles launched from wherever into the opposition penalty area” (p. 141).

Lovejoy talks about what throw-ins were like when Rory Delap was still playing in Championship.

24.

“Why are coaches only allowed within the confines of that tiny little box? As far as I’m concerned, managers should be allowed to go wherever they want; right along the touchline, behind the goals, even on the pitch if they really need to” (p.42).

I can see that Lovejoy is a fan of player-managers.

23.

“When I started writing the book, though, I secretly worried that I was a rubbish football fan. If anything now I think I may well be the BIGGEST FAN IN THE WORLD” (p.268).

The ego, with added capitals, has landed.

22.

“I always advise girlfriends of mine, when they’re looking for potential problems, to make sure they ask the man what football team he supports. It’s irrelevant who they do support, but if they are into football in any small way, it’s a starting place for realising they’re halfway normal, and you have a decent chance of a relationship” (p.20).

Timothy P Lovejoy: an expert agony uncle.

21.

“As a football fan, it is your duty to hate the most successful team of the moment” (p.96).

Okay. *takes a step back*

20.

“The great thing about supporting England is that it gives supporters of smaller clubs a taste of the big time” (p.216).

Lovejoy used Hull City as an example for this. The irony of this is most amusing.

19.

“I remember one England game against Andorra when our goalkeeper Paul Robinson must have touched the ball once in the entire 90 minutes. The following day, one paper gave him 7 out of 10 while another gave him 6. How does that work? Surely he should have got 10 out of 10 on the basis that everything he did was executed perfectly and England didn’t concede any goals? What was he expected to do? Come out of his goal and score a hat-trick?” (p.45)

Somehow, I get the feeling that this man doesn’t quite get the idea of player ratings.

18.

“But I must admit that in the early days of Soccer AM we all used to watch women’s football and just absolutely wet ourselves. It was hysterical. Pure belly-laugh comedy” (p.111).

Here’s some more sexism from Lovejoy.

17.

“Going to football is not just about watching the action, it’s also about making sure you’re dressed right” (p.29).

Some words of wisdom about football culture, here.

16.

“About half way through that first year at Soccer AM I realised that a) it was virtually impossible for me to carry on playing, and b) it may be more advantageous for me and the show if I started going to Stamford Bridge to watch Chelsea again. Purely for professional reasons, of course” (p.146).

Lovejoy talks about his hiatus from Stamford Bridge.

15.

“Any haircut seen in the Premier League will still be widely visible in League One two seasons later, when it’s no longer fashionable” (p.142).

I, somehow, get the feeling that Lovejoy is not a huge admirer of the Football League.

14.

“As a kid you’re always led to believe that if you’re going to make it as a professional you have to be truly gifted and stand out from the crowd but that night, as we drove home after a few beers (we got a lift home), me and Fenners agreed that there was absolutely no reason why we shouldn’t have been professional footballers” (p.230).

Lovejoy talks about training with Torquay United for a day.

13.

“But it’s not called the beautiful game for nothing. Is there anything more breathtaking than watching a player like Barcelona’s Lionel Messi dance through the Getafe defence? For the millions of people who watched that clip on YouTube, it’s like a religious experience” (p.11).

Lovejoy discusses what football means to the masses.

12.

“I remember as a kid being on the terraces at Vicarage Road and hearing people shout Lenny Henry’s catchphrase from Tiswas, ‘Oooooooh-kaaaaaaay!’ Many years later I like to think Soccer AM was the show that put the catchphrases in the stand” (p.66).

Lovejoy dreams about the possible legacy of ‘Soccer AM’.

11.

“If you’ve ever watched a women’s game you’ll know that women goalies simply cannot jump. I have no idea why that may be the case, but they are absolutely hopeless. I said this once to one of the goalies at Charlton’s ladies side and I thought she was going to punch my lights out. But it’s true, if you aim for the top right hand corner or top left hand corner in a women’s game, you will always score. They can’t take goal kicks either. You watch. They’ll always get the centre-half to trot back and take it for them, just so the ball will actually leave the penalty area.” (p.111).

And here’s even more sexism from everyone’s favourite broadcaster.

10.

“I do still go to the occasional Chelsea away fixture but only if it involves going on a plane to somewhere exotic to watch them in the latter stages of the Champions’ League, like Rome, Monaco or Barcelona. If you’re going to do it, you may as well make the most of it” (p.25).

Lovejoy on what it is like to be a Chelsea fan in 2007.

9.

“A couple of days after my contract ran out, I received a letter from Sky, informing me that my free Sky subscription would now be turned off as I was no longer an employee of the company. Some people get a carriage clock or some flowers then they leave a job they’ve been in for ages. Loyal football players get a testimonial. I got my Sky cancelled” (p.68).

I wonder what Lovejoy would have expected after 20 years of service at Sky?

8.

“The sad thing about being a Chelsea fan is that we don’t really have a derby game to enjoy each season. Perhaps the closest we have, or rather had, was whenever we played Leeds United” (p.243).

It shouldn’t be a surprise that Tim Lovejoy does not have a degree in Geography.

7.

“In fact this book got great reviews from everyone apart from a couple of football magazines who trade on the old fashioned ‘real fan’ ideals. However, these magazines don’t sell enough copies to fill Spotland (Rochdale’s stadium) so it doesn’t matter what they think” (p.5).

He seems bitter about a certain magazine’s infamous book review.

6.

“Just as I was walking round the corner, though, there was this almighty explosion. It was pandemonium. People were crying and screaming and, suddenly, all you could hear was police sirens. When I go to Knightsbridge tube station, a policeman told me they’d closed it and all I could say was, ‘But I’ve got to get to Chelsea!’ Everyone around was in this blind panic. I was completely oblivious to the fact that an IRA car bomb had just killed six people and injured countless others. All I could think that I’d arranged to meet my friends in the pub and I was going to miss them” (p.31).

He’s a sensitive lad, isn’t he?

5.

“If I was a footballer I’d definitely want to be Robbie Savage” (p.76).

You can see the logic behind this, can’t you?

4.

“As a football fan you have to know the order of your silverware. When you’re challenging for honours on four fronts, like Chelsea, you often find yourself pondering which of the trophies you would rather win at the expense of others. For me, there is a clear pecking order in the importance of the trophies you would want your club to win and, unless you’re a modern day Liverpool fan who only cares about the Champions’ League, it goes something like this…

1. The Premiership
2. The Champions’ League
3. The FA Cup
4. The UEFA Cup
5. The Carling Cup
6. The Championship
7. League Two
8. League Three
9. LDV/Johnstone’s Paint/Autowindshields/screens (whatever it’s called that season)
10. The Rugby World Cup” (p.91)

Ah, the old trick of not knowing the names of the different leagues in English football occurs here.

3.

“Whose idea was it to have 22 mascots being led out by the teams, instead of just the one lucky lad that it’s always been and why has no one ever questioned it? Now at the start of any big game, there’s a mascot for each and every player, which, by my reckoning, means that once you’ve included the four match officials and the TV crew there are well over 50 people waiting in the tunnel. Do we really believe this is helping to kick racism out of football?” (p.37).

He is already starting to lose the plot on page 37.

2.

“I had many happy days watching Watford. I would play football for the school in the morning, and me and my brother would talk the tube or the bus to the ground, and we progressed from the Shrodells into watching football on the terraces, and I even bought a replica Watford shirt. I actually celebrated Watford’s promotion one year by going fully-clothed in the pond at the top of the high street with a thousand other Watford fans. My brother and me missed the last bus, and had to walk home thoroughly wet, trying to think up excuses for our mum as to why our Doc Martens were soaked through. Having been to games at Fourth Division Watford, watching players like Ross Jenkins and Kenny Jackett, the time had come to go to Stamford Bridge and watch my first love, Chelsea. It was like another world” (p.22).

The transition in becoming a First Division supporter, from a Fourth Division supporter, is discussed in great detail.

1.

“The way I see it football is more important than politics too. After all, can you show me anything else that has so much power over the people of the world? It’s also a stereotype, but also true, that football unites people. Recently Iraqis celebrated winning the Asian Cup – and people normally at each other’s throats were out celebrating in the streets together. You want more proof? Ok, how many member states are there in the United Nations? I’ll tell you. There’s 192. Now, how many countries do you think tried to qualify for the last world cup? I’ll tell you again – 198. It’s an amazing statistic and one that, arguably, makes the FIFA President Sepp Blater, and not Dubya, the most powerful man on the planet” (p.15).

Blimey. Just blimey. The man is clearly an idiot of the highest order.

14
May
11

Random music reviews #20: ‘Better the Devil You Know’ by Sonia (1993)

By Obscure Music and Football 1 Comment
Categories: Music
Tags: , , , , ,

Sonia Evans is an odd one, even when you forget about her collaborations with Big Fun and the Gladiators in the early 1990s. She is less easy-going than she lets on, you know. From effectively warbling about stalking an unrequited love on ‘You’ll Never Stop Me Loving You‘ to continuously rowing with Dollar [but who could blame her] on ITV’s Saturday night flop ‘Reborn in the USA’ and being Lily Savage’s fictional daughter, Evans is a little drama queen. And nothing showed that better than her 1993 appearance on the Eurovision Song Contest.

In what was one of the most surreal television concepts in recent history, the BBC’s ‘Song for Europe’ contest was dedicated to Sonia. Yes, she sang the eight of the possible contenders and the public chose the best one. That really did happen. And, in the musical equivalent of giving the 2011 Eurovision entry to Lisa Scott-Lee, ‘Better the Devil You Know’ was the winner – which was an unsurprising result, considering that the rest of the entries were bad enough to make Gina G sound like Madonna.

But it is easy to see why ‘Better the Devil You Know’ was the run-away winner in the ‘Song for Europe’ selection rounds and finished second in the Eurovision final. Not only is the track’s lightweight tone easy on the ears, but its production is slick enough for it to be passable-enough slice of bubblegum pop. Which makes the fact that it is such a desperate-sounding pop song even stranger.

Just look at all of the clichés that the song has, for instance. The song has a Motown feel – which was undoubtedly brought in to show Sonia’s influences and is probably the biggest stereotypical influence of every manufactured popstar. It also has background vocalists who sound more natural than Sonia and a guitar break, which is clearly amplified at the wrong pitch.

Naming it after a popular Kylie Mingoue song tricked the audience into thinking that it sounded better than it really did, whilst Sonia’s ruthlessly ambitious lead vocal had a strong whiff of arrogance and pretension – something that is not in the spirit of Eurovision. And this was to such an extent that you expected her to start a capella at the drop of the hat and burst into tears if it was not greeted with a standing ovation. At the end, the three minutes became a spot the cliché game rather than a fun Eurovision entry.

That is the main problem of ‘Better the Devil You Know’. Its predictability coupled with the song’s superiority complex is a recipe for disaster, as Sonia seems to feel that she is recording an instant pop classic when it really is just mediocrity-by-the-numbers. She just misses the point of the Eurovision Song Contest; it is really about a set of tacky pop songs, competing in a competition that does not really mean anything.

By taking ‘Better the Devil You Know’ so seriously, Sonia zaps all the fun out of a chirpy-enough pop song and is made to look like a fool. And there is not a bigger Eurovision crime than that.

11
Apr
11

Roy of the Rovers predicts the future of football

By Obscure Music and Football Leave a Comment
Categories: Football and Satire
Tags:

Predicting the future of football is, sometimes, a hard task. Some predictions have been correct and others have been wrong, but one comes from an unlikely source. Whilst the “Glo-Ball Report… Date: 2092” feature in the ‘Roy of the Rovers Yearbook 1993′ may have been a light-hearted joke in 1992 but, in a sport where marketing and money has become more important, it is far more relevant in 2011.

1. “In the qualifying rounds for the 2094 World Cup Finals, Great Britain have been drawn against the Middle East, Central Russia, the Western United States, and Oceania. The British team are co-favourites to repeat their World success in 2070 and 2082, along with defending world champions – North-East China.”

2. “In the tenth year of the World League of Soccer, the North London Aces (formerly Tottenham Hotspur, Arsenal and Barnet) lift the world trophy, having beaten the California Cruisers in the last game – thanks to a hat-trick by Geoff Lineker.”

3. Tokyo Bullets, Berlin Bulls and Cape Town Crush are the three teams who are relegated from the World League of Soccer in 2092. The other competing teams are: Roman Raiders, Melchester Rovers, Nairobi Rhinos, Moscow Machine, Brasilia Forest and Mexico City Saints.

4. Great Britain won their second European Championship in a row after beating Iberia (formerly Spain and Portugal) in the final, at the 200,000 seater “Race Mega-Stadium” in Manchester.

5. “Royce [Race] has attracted a number of lucrative transfer offers from overseas club, most notably a quarter of a billion pluton bid from an unidentified Far Eastern source.”

6. “2093 sees the promotion of the three teams – Hong Kong Heat, Arabian Knights and South Pole Bears (whose home will be the temperature-controlled Ice Pavilion – five miles north of the South Pole!)”

7. “Next season, will herald the first ever Moon Shield – played under the Tranquillity Dome on the moon’s surface. The North London Aces (World League champions) will face Melchester Rovers (World League Cup champions) in this historic heavenly match-up. This game will pave the way for the introduction to the World League of the Lunar City Rockets, in 2095 – just twenty years after the initial colonisation of the moon’s surface.”

8. Rule changes include: “a ball cannot be kicked across the middle third – without being touched by a player” and “teams can only have a maximum of nine players in their defensive third”. Another rule change is “any foul by a defensive player in his own third results in an automatic five minutes in the sin-bin”.

9. Further rule changes include: “the pitch is divided into thirds and the game into quarters of an hour, with the clock stopping when the ball goes out of play” and “players can only be offside in the opposition’s third of the field”.

10. Other rule changes include: “penalty areas are now rounded with a radius of 20 meters” and “short corners are taken from the intersection of the penalty area and the goal-line”.

Is there a chance that space could become a marketing tool for football? Will Tottenham Hotspur, Aresenal and Barnet join forces to become one unbeatable team? Could there really be a World League of Soccer and a 200,000-seater stadium in Manchester named after Roy Race? Could short corners and a sin-bin really be introduced?

It may or may not happen but, considering that the yearbook’s predictions seems less exaggerated now than it did in late 1992, there may be a small chance that football could really become like this in 2092.

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